Andy's Mind

It was early morning and I had lots of paperwork to do. It was my first watch on this ship, the Caroline, being transferred to it just two days ago. I sat alone on the bridge as she moved south-west through the Atlantic at steady twenty knots. The ocean was empty, with nothing on radar for hours now so I looked up at the horizon only every ten minutes or so, working dutifully on all declarations, forms and other sorts of paper torture devised by appropriate authorities and our corporate managers. It’s funny that in this modern age computers can steer a 6000 TEU box boat almost on their own but can’t really reduce the paperwork required by all those containers.

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OK, so I didn’t write a book review on Friday. I don’t think anyone really noticed, but in case someone did there are two reasons behind it: London & an attack of topgearitis.

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The first information about the attacks as an e-mail from a friend, who currently lives and works in London. I quickly checked the BBC’s web page with current information, which had some problems loading – clearly many more people were doing exactly the same. The tragedy is slowly taking shape.

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My mind is like a spotlight. It can focus on a dream, feeding images with its light. It can focus on a plan, bringing up connections and dependencies. It can focus on my sore butt. It can focus on a sound, shining in fireworks of branched thoughts. But it is so difficult to turn into a calm lamp, shining peacefully in all directions, not concentrated into a beam, not focused on anything in particular. And it’s even harder for the mind to shine onto itself.

My mind is like a piece of clay. It’s so flexible and adaptable. It changes so much with every year, month, week as I learn new things, picking them up like flowers while walking the path. It changes so much with everything I forget. There seems to be no limit to the shapes and sizes it can take.

And yet, it’s always afraid of the next step, next change of shape. Why?