I was in a big shopping mall today. I went there to get my car washed inside and out in preparation for selling it. As it was cleaned I went inside to somehow spend this hour. I bought something to eat, a portion of plastic mall food served on a paper dish with plastic cutlery on a plastic tray. I sat in a plastic chair by a plastic table and, while eating this stuff and drinking an artificial bubbly drink, I watched people around me.

It’s interesting how much my perception changed since the time when I worked nearby, in the offices of one of the biggest telco companies on the market. Somehow I felt out of place there today, not belonging to the crowd of haves anymore I ventured onto their terrain to watch them. I’m not sure if I want to get back into this circle again, but then I’m not sure I really would like to stay outside. Life seems easier from the inside, even if it’s just an illusion it’s a strong one.

All in all I have a feeling I wasted most of my day. I didn’t work as much as I wanted. I didn’t accomplish even a third of what I wanted to today. I just can’t get a grip strong enough on myself, squeeze myself strong enough, focus on writing documents which I don’t give a damn about, somehow keep my mind from running away to browse the net, discuss photos, write e-mails etc. Internet is a killer for productivity. But I’m addicted, I can’t help it.