May 2006


Would you like to experience the thrill of racing driving? The rough, head to head, metal-to-metal competition, brutal acceleration and frantic breaking, adrenaline rushes when a rival cuts you off or the sheer pleasure of being the first at the line? All that and more – whole day long? No need to train for Formula 1, no need to go up the ranks to get to NASCAR. Just come to Warsaw, Poland, rent a car and take to the streets on a sunny, warm day. (more…)

Because I’m in Warsaw for three days I dropped into the Kannon’s zendo this morning. Instead of the normal morning practice it was an end of a two-day sesshin and I joined them for the last three rounds of zazen separated by kinhin. Very interesting experience, after almost half a year of sitting alone it was very encouraging. However, the most surprising thing was how short the 45 minutes periods of zazen felt. I remember waiting for the bell to sound a year ago – now I was almost disappointed when it did, even though it was not an easy sitting (I was drowning in thoughts too frequently). I’ll have to make an effort and come there again when I’ll be in Warsaw.

I had an interesting experience today. My new headphones have just arrived and, having them unpacked and connected to my PowerBook, I settled down to enjoy the experience of my favorite tunes in high quality. I reached for a mug of tea to make my indulgence complete and… I spilled about half of it all over the table and onto my bellowed PowerBook. (more…)

My zazen this morning wasn’t good. I didn’t sleep well, some strange, work-related nightmares haunted me all night. When I sat on the cushion I couldn’t stop the torrent of thoughts flooding my brain. I was upset my meditation is bad.

And then it occurred to me that my thinking about my meditation reflects my overall state of mind, it’s not an objective measure or judgment, it’s just another drop in the torrent of thoughts.

My mind is not my thoughts. My zazen is not my assessment of my zazen.

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